Ironman Champion...Inventor...Business Owner

TJ Tollakson is the Swiss Army Knife of People...A true Renaissance Man. He is an Ironman Champion, Mad Scientist Inventor, and Owner of Rüster Sports and Dimond Bikes.
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Monday, January 21, 2013

Stroking it with a Rubber?



Stroking it with a Rubber?

I’m a big fan of practicing safe sex and find the condom the most effective (behind abstinence of course) prophylactic for practicing safe sex. The condom is easy to use, affordable, and readily available at your corner Walgreens. With a little practice just about anyone can feel comfortable wearing a condom. Well maybe not as comfortable as going au naturale but with the inherent risk of an unwanted pregnancy or chance of a sexually transmitted disease the comfort is really in the mind. The lack of use of a condom should only be done by those individuals committed and experienced enough to minimize the risk of unwanted pregnancies and STDs. There is one category of condom users I just despise…those little punks who use a condom solely for the purpose of extending their stamina. Now maybe they don’t have enough experience to perform like Dirk Diggler or Ron Jeremy, but never give up on a dream without first giving it your all and thrusting forward towards that dream with all your vigor. Not there yet? Just keep thrusting at your dream until you come to the conclusion you will or will not be a stud. On that note, stop comparing yourself to others anyway, and just give all you’ve got. Now is not the time to hold back. While a person who is using a condom to prolong the activity will never actually be as good as the person who is “naturally” stellar, it can narrow the margin and give a false pretense of ability. Dangers of this false pretense of performance include creating a false sense of hope or belief in the actual ability level only to knock the individual down a few notches on the old leather belt when the deed is performed for something worthwhile (like a momentus occasion or pregnancy attempt). One of the best things about graduating from the ranks of horny experimental college kids is the ability to safely and appropriately judge the use of condoms (instead of just defaulting to wearing one all the time). Most men would agree having sex while wearing  a condom is like taking a shower while wearing a raincoat.

I’m equally a fan of practicing safe swimming and find wearing a wetsuit in unusually cold situations to be the best prophylactic for preventing hypothermia and thermal shock. The wetsuit is easy to use, affordable, and readily available at www.trisports.com .  With a little practice anyone can feel comfortable swimming in a wetsuit.  Well maybe not as comfortable as going au naturale, but with the inherent risk of hypothermia and thermal shock from swimming in cold water, the comfort is really in the mind. The lack of wetsuit use in colder water should really be left to the professionals committed and experienced enough to avoid hypothermia and thermal shock. There is one category of professional triathletes I just despise…those punks who love to race in a wetsuit regardless of the temperature  because it helps them compensate for poor swimming ability.  Now maybe they don’t have enough experience to perform like Andy Potts or Benji Sanson, but never give up on a dream without first giving it your all and thrusting forward towards that dream with all your vigor. Seriously, stop comparing yourself to Benji Sanson…he has way more experience than you and will slay the water with the ease of a hedgehog burrowing in a hole. While a person who is using a wetsuit solely to improve his or her swim time will never actually be as good as the swimmer who is “naturally” stellar, it can narrow the margin and give a false pretense of ability. Dangers of this false pretense of performance include creating a false sense of hope or belief in the actual ability level only to knock the individual down a few notches on the old championship belt when the deed is performed for something worthwhile (like a major or championship race). One of the best things about graduating from the age group to the professional ranks is the ability to safely and appropriately race in warm water without a rubber. Most swimmers would agree wearing a wetsuit in warm water is like having sex in the jungle with an Eskimo Parka and three condoms. It is hot, uncomfortable, very restricting, and downright dangerous (some guys just love how this levels the playing field).

Risks of swimming in warm water with a wetsuit include:
1.       Death
2.       Heat stroke
3.       Heat exhaustion
4.       Dehydration
5.       Overall Discomfort
6.       Lack of performance

I have four recommendations:

11)      WTC should follow suit with the ITU and USA Triathlon and amend the professional water temperature rule to the following: wetsuit maximum temperature for elites at 68 degrees for swim distances less than 3,000 meters and 71.6 degrees for distances of 3,000 meters or greater.
22)      WTC should also distribute condoms to all athletes opposed to this proposition and require they wear them 90% of the time (even when trying to get pregnant and when the situation seems overly safe).
33)      My advice to anyone who disagrees with this resolution…practice, practice, practice and maybe one day you can build enough stamina to perform like a stud (without your rubber). Great lovers, like great swimmers, are made and not born. You don’t need a rubber in either instance to perform like a stud, just some more practice.
44)      If it has been a while since you upgraded your “rubber” I would recommend Trojan Ecstasy (in the gold wrapper) for your intimate moments and the TYR Freak of Nature (in the silver suitcase) to bring out your same inner freak when swimming in cold water.

In closing, wearing a condom during sex is safe and often necessary to prevent unwanted pregnancies and/or STDs. Wearing a wetsuit in cold water is safe and often necessary to prevent hypothermia and/or thermal shock. Having sex without a condom is what you do when all the stakes are on the line and the end result is as important as the process. Swimming in warm water without a wetsuit is what you do when all the stakes are on the line and the end result is as important as the process each individual took to prepare for the race. Practice safe swimming; wear a rubber only when necessary (when the water temp is 68 or less).

Work Hard,
TJ

2 comments:

  1. You know I am a firm believer in the dangers of donning rubber in the pro ranks in terms of overheating. It doesn't help when RDs stick their "magical thermometer" in places to make it rubber legal when it is not really.

    -TG

    Thomas Gerlach
    Professional Triathlete
    www.thomasgerlach.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well done!

    Cheers,

    Neal

    +1 mph Faster

    ReplyDelete